Raising Emotionally Intelligent Kids 5 Daily Habits

Parenting is hard work. You might be making lunch while your child is having a meltdown and asking endless questions all at the same time.

Eight-year-old Maya watched her tower of blocks crash to the floor. Instead of throwing a tantrum, she took a deep breath and said, "I'm feeling frustrated right now, but I can try again." Her mom smiled, remembering when Maya used to scream and throw blocks when things didn't go her way.

The difference? Daily practice in emotional intelligence.

What Is Emotional Intelligence for Kids?

Emotional intelligence is like having a superpower for feelings. It means kids can understand their own emotions, recognize how others feel, and handle tough situations without losing control.

Research shows that emotionally intelligent children do better in school, make stronger friendships, and grow into happier adults.

Dr. Daniel Goleman, who wrote the famous book on emotional intelligence, found that these skills matter more for success than IQ alone.

Here's something important: what looks like "bad behavior" is often just a child dealing with big emotions without knowing how to handle them. We teach kids letters and numbers, but we forget to teach them what to do when they feel angry, sad, or frustrated.

When kids learn emotional intelligence, they can handle frustration without yelling, talk clearly instead of screaming, and be kind to others.
The best part? Emotional intelligence isn't something kids are born with or without. It's a skill that grows stronger with practice, just like reading or riding a bike.

Just small habits done every day.

Here are five habits that work. No complicated steps. You don't have to be perfect.

 

1. Name the Feelings

Most adults can't explain what they're feeling, so kids struggle even more.

The difference between "I want to hit you" and "I feel frustrated" is having the right words. When kids can name their emotions, they're less likely to act out.

How to do it:

• Talk about their emotions like you're describing what you see: "That tower fell down. You look really frustrated."
• Ask questions: "What feeling are you having right now?" or "How big is that angry feeling- huge or small?"
• Talk about feelings during stories, at dinner, or during snack time.

Try this: Make a "feelings jar." Put emotion words or pictures of faces showing different feelings in a jar. Pull one out and ask your child: "When did you feel this today?"

Also, repeat back what they're feeling. A simple "That really made you angry" helps them feel understood.

This one skill reduces tantrums, builds confidence, and helps kids care about others.

 

2. Show Good Emotional Skills Yourself

You don't have to be calm all the time. You just have to be real.

Kids learn about emotions by watching you. If you get upset over spilled juice, they will too.

But if you say, "I'm feeling overwhelmed—I need a minute," you're teaching them how to handle their own feelings.

Try this:

• Talk about your own feelings. "I'm tired and my coffee is cold, I need to take a deep breath."
• Admit when you make mistakes: "I yelled. That wasn't okay. I'll try to use a calmer voice next time."
• Show them how you deal with stress: take deep breaths, go for a walk, listen to music, or pet the dog.

Good idea: Try a "family feeling check" in the morning. "I'm feeling good but a little sleepy before my coffee."

When things go wrong, don't be afraid to start over. "Can we try this morning again? I think we both woke up grumpy." Kids learn that bad feelings don't have to ruin the whole day.

You'll still make mistakes. That's okay. Saying sorry and trying again is actually great teaching.

3. Don't Be Afraid of Big Feelings

Not every tantrum needs to be stopped. Sometimes kids just need space to let their feelings out.

Instead of saying "You're fine!" try: "That looked really upsetting. Do you want a hug or some quiet time?"

Create a safe space:

• Make a calm corner. It doesn't have to be fancy, just a cozy spot with books, toys to squeeze, or a soft pillow.
• After the big feelings pass, let your child draw or color how they felt.
• For older kids, writing in a journal or making a playlist of songs that match their feelings can help.

Good idea: Use story time to talk about feelings. Stop reading and ask: "Why do you think that character is sad?"

In public places like restaurants, stores, stay calm yourself. Kids need you to be their calm helper, not someone who gets upset too.

Big emotions aren't bad. Trying to avoid them is the problem. Sit with your child. Let them breathe through it. That's how they learn to handle feelings.

 

4. Give Kids Some Control

Want fewer fights? Let kids make choices.

When kids feel like they have a say in things, even small things that they're more likely to cooperate without screaming.

How to give them control:

• "Red cup or blue cup?"
• "Do you want to take a bath first or put on pajamas first?"
• "Do you want to say sorry now or write a note later?"

For bigger problems: When kids have friend trouble, school worries, or feel left out, help them think through solutions:

• Stop and breathe.
• Think about what really happened.
• Come up with some ways to handle it.
• Pick one to try.

When they come to you saying "Everyone hates me!" don't jump in to fix it. Ask, "What happened that made you feel that way?" Kids don't need perfect answers, they need to feel heard and learn to solve problems.

Teaching kids to think with you, not just follow orders. It helps them become emotionally strong people.

 

5. Practice Being Thankful and Paying Attention

We're not talking about sitting still and meditating. Just simple moments of noticing good things.

Thankfulness games:

•  "Name three things you liked about today."
•  "What's one thing that made you smile?"
•  "Let's put something good in our family thankfulness jar."

Paying attention without being complicated:

• "Let's eat this apple slowly. What do you taste?"
• "Close your eyes, what sounds do you hear?"
• "Let's lie on the floor and look at the ceiling fan together."

Quick reset: When things get crazy, breathe together. Or whisper something you're thankful for. It changes the mood fast.

Also, help kids notice other people's feelings. "That dog looks scared at the vet. How do you think he feels?" These small moments help kids develop kind hearts.

 

The Real Truth

Some days will be terrible. Your kid will scream about a sandwich cut the wrong way. You'll get angry. They'll slam a door. And you'll wonder if any of this is working.

That's normal.

Raising emotionally smart kids isn't about always doing everything right. It's about showing up, admitting when you mess up, and trying again.

You don't need to be a counselor. Just be curious, patient, and human.

Start with one habit. Keep doing it. The rest will come.

Getting Started

Pick one of these five habits to try this week. Which one seems easiest for your family? Remember, small changes done every day make a big difference.

You don't have to be perfect. Your kids don't need perfect parents. They need parents who care enough to try, mess up, and try again.

Emotional intelligence isn't something you're born with. It's something you learn. And the best teachers are parents who are willing to learn alongside their kids.

Start today. Your future self and your kids will thank you.